Well.... Since i can remember ive had dogs. the first one was some belgium shepard,hes name was sam and was such a nice one, he was grumpy with my lil sis bfs and was amazing with the resy of peps, so adorable, tho one day he ran out and some asshole kicked him near to its tale, a few months later he got sick and the vet told us that he got cancer...then one day i came back from school and there was no doggie so i ask mom and she said he was at some friends place being as happy as he could..... then she told me he was having fun at the doggies heaven, then i realized he was dead ;i was 10 by then..... So since i was a lil one i thought it would be amazing to be a vet, and when he died i remember i thought: " man if i was a vet i would have save him. like.. totally! " and i decided that i was gonna give everything to save my next pet, a few months later we bought a rottweiller puppy but she had kennel cought ( wich now i know what it means
) so she died the day after they brought her home.. After that my mom decided we shouldnt have pets cause:
a. we traveled way too much and that would be bad for em
b. we have lost the one we used to love and she didnt want us (me) to feel that way again.
But as ussual, after a setion of puppy eyes we did it... we made my mom get the most beautiful smart well behaved dog ever!!!!!!!!! a lil rottweiller puppy. she was 2 months old but she had an old dogs mind .. she was born on december 2nd. the same day of my daddys bday so you cant imagine..... that was a sing for us lol that was a sign that she was meant to be our lil one.....
The first days she was so scared of guys. in general. she wasso attached to me. she walked with me. slept next to my bed. even pooped where i was lol hahahaha then after a month she leraned to use the backyard and she also learned to love my daddy and my lil bro... she was such a smartass. she was able to play hurt if we were mad at her.... once i was doing nothing at my parents bedroom and she sudenly came in, slowly and lookin to the floor ( wich was weird cause she never ever did that before) and when she got where i was. she fainted........ i froze for a few secounds but then i jumped on her and realized she was in the middle of a heart attack ( obviously i didnt knew it was a heart attack back then... but i did knew she needed a doctor) so i rub her chest, grab the phone call a cab and run to the vet......... i was like 13 so as soon as i arrived to the vet the doc took her and the nurse called my mommy and told her i was there and that she was needed ASAP, when they got there the doc said that sasha was better and that if i didnt take her on time...... she would die........ then they joked and told the vet i was a lil vet wannabe and he said: if she gives at least a half of passion she showed today..... she will be a kick ass one.
So we took her home....
m we tried to make her mom like 3 or 4 times but...... as weird as it can be... every dog that fucked my lil one died a few days after
hahaha the first one was killed by a bus, the secound one died cause of a heart attack, the third one died suddenly and without apparently explanation and the forth one died cause of some weird virus 
Then i was done with school so i decided t go to uni and began my road to be a vet. ( theres some other long story for some other day
) i was so happy cause finally i was gonna be able to save my sasha from all the shit out there.. when it was exactly a month since i began, sasha got uber sick, her head was all shakey so we took her to the vet....... she had some infection and needed surgery. the doc took off her ovaries and uterus. now my lil one was a menopausic one 
and once again i did nothing 
i just took her to the vet and stare while he was doing hes job... that day the doc realized she had some bone issue and told us that would be pretty hurtful on the future. that we should be careful and he gave us some calcium pills and some homeophatic drugs to help the pain.Now, *breaths* this year i decided to change her food cause since the OVH she was getting a lil bit heavier and that wasnt a good thing for her bones, but apparently and as ussual i was too late. Since april she was acting weird, she was on her bed the whole day and barely stands for food water wee or play, i told my parents she had some hip issue but they said they needed to know the vets opinion, so we took her to the vet and she ( cause our regular vet was at germany) said that was some kidney problem and gave us 3 diff pills ( when she had to take medicine. then my parents said i was the vet so that was my job. only for that bloody jesus!)
the moths passed by and she was worst... she looked like she was gettin better some days and some others she looked so in pain
so fragil November and december. there the agony began........
We took her to the vet cause she was at bed the whole day, she wasnt eatting or peeing or playing.. i told her that the medicines have made her wee darker and she said: " ok lorena, you are in your what. 6th or 7th semester, im a gratuated vet so, whos right?"........
so finally sashas original vet came to town and we took her over.... he looked at me and told my parents to go out of the room...... he looked me straight into the eyes and said: your old enought and well educated and you deserve me to be honest, we´re gonna take some xrays but she is a bit fat and her hip bones are like sand....... her femur´s head is off and the pain she´s suffering wont go away for too long.............
We took the xrays and she was .............
after that... the 18th of november she got her eutanex shot i injected her eutanex and she finally went to heaven....YESH i fell stupid! i was usseless when she needed me! i couldnt help her to get rid of that bloody pain! fuck why the hell is so hard! she was my pet, my first patient and the most important of all. i can save other peps pets and i have to let my lil one die! bloody jesus! dead sucks..... being a vet and deal with dead.... is not as easy as it seems to be...... i cried cause i was questioning myself, my studies... how dumb do i need to be to apply what i have learn??????????? i dont know. i give up. i tought it would be easier to move on but fuck off...... i dont need to move on... i need to break my ass off studying to achieve something...... and maybe someday i wont feel usseles. literally like shit.
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